career, chronic pain, depression

Loss Of Identity?..Part One


This blog provides a little of my background and how I came to be here on the net blogging. It is only via the Internet on some days that I have contact with the outside world. On these days, where I cannot leave my bed, or the lounge, I will lay with my iPad propped up on pillows and seek solace with others around the globe in similar situations. In contrast, on the days where pain levels are not too high I make the most of our beautiful Australian climate, venturing outdoors and learning how to
live a new and unexpected life.

To state that my life has been some what of a rollercoaster over the past decade would be an understatement of epic proportion. I have transitioned from being married and raising two children, teaching, which I loved more than chocolate, studying for my Masters in Educational Leadership, participating in sports such as waterskiing, snowskiing, netball, and spending as much time in the pool or ocean as I could spare, to a life that I can no longer recognise. My body has medically been through more than some have experienced in a lifetime. Being a person who has always believed that “things” happen for a reason, I did an insurmountable amount of time soul searching trying to rationalize what was happening while trying to remain positive.

After studying in a small mountain village in Indonesia I contracted a stomach parasite, that after going undiagnosed for 18 mths, left me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I would not wish this illness on anyone. Even with the medical challenges that would follow. The lesson that I needed to learn during this time, where I was unable to work even part time for the first 18 months, was to try to slow down and expect less of myself and to be me observant at what was going on around me. During this time my marriage broke down as I “observed” or learned of my husband of 18years leading a double life. This became a very difficult time for both me and my children. The chronic fatigue lasted for just over 5 years but I returned to full time teaching after two years with renewed vigor. My body carefully got me through the days and I would often collapse in the afternoon, too tired to even prepare or eat dinner. Thankfully both children were in High School by this stage and were incredibly supportive. Once stronger I desperately wanted to continue my Post Grad studies and received a scholarship to study the Educating of Gifted Students. Life was getting back on track.

In 2004, I moved from my small coastal town where I had grown up surrounded by family & friends, to Sydney to begin teaching Gifted students at a Private College. I was more than ready for a fresh start!! I had one child at university and my other child completing an apprenticeship. Life was mine to explore. I absolutely loved every aspect of living in the city. Six months later I was involved in a serious car accident. I had two herniated discs in my spine, tendon damage in my ankle, shoulder & neck pain sue to whiplash and an unslipped disc. My body was a mess and in a lot of pain. I was unable to work for 6 months and then returned part time once able…. To be continued…..


2 thoughts on “Loss Of Identity?..Part One”

  1. Definitely relate to the internet being my only form of socializing on some days. Thanks for sharing your story, and connecting with all of us readers all over the globe! It is so wonderful to know we’re not alone.

    1. I cannot agree more Rachel. It’s 4am I’m the morning here but had several hours I’m the ER over night due to a pain flare up. An unfortunate side effect of the strong medications that were used mean I find it difficult,to sleep and now the meds are beginning to wear off. I’m thinking a warm cuppa tea might be in order

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