depression, Fatigue, Gratitude, Health, medication side effects, Motivation, Pacing, Uncategorized

Listen To The Voices In Your Head

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In order to fight depression which is often comorbid with Chronic Pain & Illness, it is imperative that we try our best to maintain contact with the outside world. Some days, this is easier said then done. And so, the voices in your head begin.

I recently had an invitation to dinner with my newly married friend and another dear friend that I haven’t seen in quite awhile. The voices are telling me that in order to attend dinner I will need to rest all week to ensure that I would be able to drive an hour and a half to my home town. I was so excited but anxious at the same time. My precious daughter came over, firstly to puppy-sit and secondly to help me to stop stressing about getting dressed and worrying about my physical appearance. It took me over three hours to get myself organized and out the door.

Less then 30 minutes into the drive and severe pain kicked in. I was angry! The voices in my head were in argument overload. Should I keep driving or should I turn back now? I had not isolated myself and rested all week only to have to turn around and cancel an outing that happens so rarely. I was determined to arrive at my destination as promised. My positive voice won out. I chose to stop several times along the way, stretching, taking additional medication, arriving safe and sound, exhilarated to have made it. The pain was worth it. It was a blessing to see my friends. I don’t normally mix my medication with alcohol but I wanted to feel normal, I wanted to feel like my life was how I once remembered it. Working hard, post-grad studying, socializing and loving life. My voices need to stop reminding me of this past life and it’s experiences. That life now feels surreal, or is it the life that I now am embedded in that is surreal? I feel as if I am waiting for the next stage of life to begin….Hey, I’m more than ready!! There has to be more to life than taking too many tablets to list each day and working out strategies to make myself leave my apartment. (Between you and me, I’m losing on the last front over the past few weeks) You see it’s a catch 22. When I muster the determination to leave home, pain develops, which I accept, so additional medication is required, but I feel the immense joy of being part of the human race beyond my four walls. On a really bad day, I can be at the bank, hairdressers or sitting waiting for an appointment and the pain can become so severe so quickly that an ambulance needs to be called. It’s always a chance or risk that has to be taken upon leaving home. My voices therefore swing back and forth, which I’m now sensing is fear based, about getting out & about more often.

Following an outing and upon returning home, I require extra sleep over the next few days as a result of extra medication, the depression slowly kicks in again. Tragic cycle. My inner voices remind myself of the many positive aspects in my world that I have to be grateful for during these dark days. I write lists of activities that I want to achieve for motivation, and I blog. Although it is open for all to read, it feels great to have released my thoughts, knowing that there are others reading this post who can totally relate to how I am feeling. For readers who may not be ill or suffering, I’m hopeful that these posts can provide insight to how friends who are ill may be feeling, but who are unable to verbalise the voices in their head for you.

Health & Happiness 🙂

This little fellow never fails to brighten my day !!

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13 thoughts on “Listen To The Voices In Your Head”

  1. I agree with you. I don’t think I remember what it feels like to be “normal” anymore. Not after nearly 5 years of chronic pain from fibromyalgia. I’ve fought depression off and on throughout my life. So has my mother, although she has it worse since she’s bipolar. We both have voices in our head as you term it. Most days the positive voice wins out. The days it doesn’t are not fun days and the pain is usually at its worst. It’s hard to be positive when you’re in that much pain.

    1. Thank you for your reply and your thoughts. It’s definitely a vicious cycle whereby you will suffer pain which in turn effects your emotions and studies now show links in the brain between emotions and pain. We seemed to have taken similar paths but fortunately I too am able to find the positive voice now more often then the negatives.

      Stay strong, healthy & happy 🙂

  2. What a happy doggie! 😀

    I know this one all too well – down to the hour and a half drive to my home town. Usually hubby’s sweet and will drive me down there and go visit his friends at the same time, but that’s not always possible. It’s a tough battle, getting out and about when all you really have the energy to do is sleep!

    I just started a new vitamin specifically for women’s sexual health (endo being a disease of the reproductive system) and I have seen a boost in my energy levels – even a little boost is happy news indeed!

    1. Dakoda is definitely a happy little chappy 🙂 I suffered Endo in my 20’s and lost all of my reproductive system by 28yrs. I found following, that a naturopath got me onto a path of healthy herbs, accompanied by a specific diet help re-adjust to my new body. It was amazing how healthy I felt after the Hysterectomy & with no more painful Endo.
      Fortunately, my mother & Aunty love to come visit me as I live the heart of Sydney. They generally come up once a fortnight, to get me out of the apartment, for lunch & shopping. If I’m not up to going out they come here, but insist on doing housework 🙂
      I’m so glad we have met and can travel in this journey together.

      Health & happiness!!

  3. I love the Deepak Chopra quote, it’s hard isn’t it when you have to run your life according to chronic pain. I’m pretty much house-bound at the moment and have been for the last year and when I do muster up the courage to go out I don’t half pay for it.

    Great post,

    1. Hi Chris, sometimes quotes put everything you want to say in one short sentence. Yes it’s abit annoying (alot annoying actually) that chronic pain does not always react to our planned schedule. I get annoyed having a cluttered or messy apartment but this week there has been more lying than standing. But you learn the hard way about what can wait & what is important in life 🙂

      Health & Happiness!

    2. Hi Chris,
      I’ve really enjoyed ready your blog, especially loved the poem & gratitude list. I want to nominate you for a Sunshine Award as you seem very much like a kindred spirit. I’m not sure which of my posts you have read but a recent blog even mentioned my wish to travel and realized I could perhaps travel in a small Winnebago with my medical condition in mind. I think a Combi Van, your drawing, might be a little cramped for my puppy and I 🙂
      To find out about the Award follow the link to my page : https://chronicpainsurvivor.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/sunshine-award-3/

      Health & Happiness
      Narelle

    1. Dear mum & Vic, my thoughts go out to you both. It has taken me almost a week to write as I was just feeling YUK & sad. Vic, we have our good days and our bad days but knowing someone else understands is so comforting. You have both made my day.
      Health & happiness to you both xx

    2. Hi, you’re blogging is inspirational and should be a reminder to us all to count our blessings each and every day. Vic is so extremely lucky to have you there for her and her boys. I am nominating you for a Sunshine Blog Award. Hopefully it will spread a little sunshine into all of your day tomorrow. To find out more about the award following this link : https://chronicpainsurvivor.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/sunshine-award-3/

      Health & Happiness to you all xx

      1. Hi Narelle, thank you so much I appreciate that and thank you for your comments regarding my blog. In my current condition and for space for my dog also it would definitely have to be a Winnebago but if I ever get my body sorted I’d love to travel in a little camper van.

        Thanks again and I wish you all the best.x

  4. Thank you for this particular post. My daughter, aged 37, is terminally ill and in severe, debilitating pain. She is so brave. I am one of the healthiest people on earth so it is impossible for me to understand how and what she feels. I am trying to blog her journey but it is from an “outsiders” point of view.

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